THE POLITICALLY CORRECT HOLIDAY GREETING

I’m not sure where I got this but had this insane urge to share it with you, Dear Reader.  Enjoy! Laugh! Ridicule!

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .

And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

 

Wipe That Smile Off Your Face!

There’s a silly, but dangerous, little document making the rounds threatening faithful and sound brethren everywhere. Called, “Ten Commandments of Human Relations,” the second commandment is especially pernicious. It reads, “Smile at people. It takes 72 muscles to frown…only 14 to smile.” At first it didn’t seem so bad, but then I began to hear reports of those liberal brethren in Nashville, San Antonio, Dallas, or one of those hotbeds of the new hermeneutic actually smiling! Well, brethren, right then I knew it was something faithful brethren should avoid.