The Philosophy of Ambiguity

laugh2A friend sent me this and, since I really like wordplay, I cleaned it up a bit and now present it for your humorous consideration.

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE…

  1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS
  2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR
  3. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE
  4. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
  5. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
  6. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
  7. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
  8. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”
  9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
  10. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
  11. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
  12. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
  13. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
  14. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
  15. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
  16. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
  17. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
  18. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
  19. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
  20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?.
  21. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
  22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?.
  23. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?.
  24. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?.
  25. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?.
  26. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?.
  27. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
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2 Comments

Filed under English, Humor, wordplay, words

2 responses to “The Philosophy of Ambiguity

  1. Terry Pickles

    And Why do shops which open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

  2. Have u ever had honeymoon salad?….lettuce alone

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